Having been on more first dates than Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, I can attest that… there are three first date deal breakers for men and first impressions are EVERYTHING.
In most cases, your first impression will determine whether a budding relationship is on the cards or completely off the table. Just like watching a film trailer, you only need to see a few clips to know whether you want to see the full movie. In the same way, your first impression reveals a LOT about who you are and what it’s like to be around you. With this in mind, here are a three common first date pitfalls that could ruin your first impression, and therefore your chances of a second date.
Sticking to the facts
First dates are invariably an exercise in getting to know someone. Sadly though, a lot of first daters take the idea of “getting to know you” way too literally.
They ask dull, superficial, unconnected questions in rapid succession. Without realizing how or why, their first date conversations end up sounding like police inquisitions.
- “State your name…”
- “Occupation?”
- “What were you doing at the weekend?”
Dull questions lead to mundane small-talk. They’ll put you on autopilot, instead of stimulating each other mentally or emotionally.
“People will forget what you said, but people will remember how you made them feel” – Maya Angelou
By contrast, you want to create an atmosphere where you can engage with each other, and express your feelings, hopes and desires with passion.
So here’s a simple format for making that happen and not engaging in the first date deal breakers. I call it the “think, feel, imagine, reveal” method.
You start with a standard getting to know you question like “What do you do for work?” But, then you follow up with open ended questions that will make her:
Think “How did you get into that line of work in the first place?”, “What drives you to keep plugging away at it?”
Feel “What do you like most about your job?”, “ “How are the people you work with?”
Imagine “What would your dream job be?”, “What job would you choose to do, if you didn’t need the money?”
Reveal “What did you want to be when you were growing up?”, “When was the last time you faked a sick day?”
These kinds of questions create a more intimate, personal and profound connection between the two of you, where attraction and a future relationship are more likely to blossom.
Bragging
Yes, Mr. Big Shot, VP of City Slicking – I’m talking to you.
Being an achiever is a big turn-on for most women. So, I know it’s tempting to want to spell that out or wear it like a badge on your lapel, but doing so will more likely work against you, rather than for you.
You don’t want her to think that you’re overcompensating or trying to impress. THAT is definitely a first date deal breaker.
Instead, let her figure out your accomplishments by herself. Then she’ll be pleasantly surprised and even more impressed by the fact that you didn’t try to show off to her.
Your patience will pay off. She’ll still get the sense that you’re a big deal, without you having to make a big deal of it.
Being rude to other people
You’re always polite to your date. But what about the other people around you, like taxi drivers, door staff or your waiter?
As you’re running out of things to say, you might comment on someone else’s attire or your slow service. But, tread carefully, because those throwaway quips might just bite you in the bum after all.
Why? Because they tell her that you lack the emotional intelligence to hold it together for thirty minutes without lapsing into negativity.
She’ll think, “Well, he’s putting on a good show for me, but underneath it all, I suspect he’s a complete git!” It’s a BIG red flag.
Instead, try to err on the side of warmth and compassion, insofar as you possibly can.
Better yet, show your empathy by taking a genuine interest in other people around you. Ask your servers how they’re doing, what’s their favourite dish on the menu, and whether they’ve been run off their feet tonight, etc.
She’ll get to see first-hand how kindly you treat others, and in turn, how well they treat you.
Key takeaway
You only get one chance at a first impression gents. And you don’t want to be the guy who goes home alone and unfulfilled, because your first impression sucked and you fulfilled the first date deal breakers!
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou
It helps to recognize that first date nerves can often trip you up and make you say things that you wouldn’t normally say. So be mindful of that and put your best foot forward, every time.
- 3 First Date Deal Breakers for Men - April 9, 2018