A staple of what is now deemed “Hook Up Culture” among younger people is the Sex Buddy Relationship. We can define it as one allowing physical intimacy without the necessity of emotional commitment. When done well, it can be extremely freeing. It allows fulfillment of the human needs for sex and connection for those not in a place for long-term commitment.

Dr. Lisa Wade, a sociologist who studies the sexual habits of college students, has noted that while “hook up-based relationships” are becoming the norm, many people run into pitfalls in them because of the lack of guidelines. Here’s how to maintain a sex buddy relationship, without having it fizzle out prematurely, nor have it turn into an undesired commitment.

sex buddy relationship5 Tips for Maintaining a Sex Buddy Relationship:

1. Front-load

To front-load is letting your partner know what you want and what to expect from you. Magnify the fine print on your contract so there are no future understandings.

2. Only Act out of Desire not Obligation

Societal dating norms often have us unconsciously do things because we feel we “should;” be that going out for dinner, calling, hanging out for longer than you want to, etc. Any time you do anything out of obligation with or for your partner, you set up false expectations. The kindest thing is to do is to only do what you really want to do when you want to do it so he or she can act accordingly.

3. Check in Often with your Sex Buddy

We are human, and emotions develop naturally. Emotions are by nature volatile. What someone thought they wanted last week might not be what they want now. Communicate regularly about what you want and also check in with your partner.

4. Surrender to the Sensation

A sex buddy relationship can be one of the purest connections. Stripped of romantic obligations, it allows two people to connect on the level of sensation. Think of your sex buddy as a practice partner for feeling more. The worst thing you can do with such a partner is try to look cool and maintain a certain image. Follow what feels good. There are no rules.

5. Allow the Connection to Develop Naturally

This is the caveat to all preceding tips. We need to remember why we interact with people, sexually or otherwise, to begin with. It’s through our relationships we discover ourselves. If your relationship never goes beyond sex, that’s valid. If you end up falling in love with your sex buddy and want a relationship, that’s great too. Beneath the style, all relationships offer the same thing: connection, the experience of feeling and being felt. Let it take form as it will and it will feed you in the best way.

 

Ruwan Meepagala
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