Whether infidelity is a personal deal breaker for you or not, there is definitely something to be said about staying with a partner who is sorry and is determined you’ll never regret forgiving your man.
Genuine forgiveness can pay off when you stay with a man who is truly contrite. Whether infidelity is a personal deal breaker for you or not, there is definitely something to be said about staying with a man who is sorry and is determined you’ll never regret your decision to forgive. I’ve discovered there’s an art to forgiveness from the female perspective (since we’re the ones who never forget).
Here are 3 essentials to know when your man has screwed up big time and is asking for a second chance:
1. You may need time and space apart to figure it out
You’ll cycle through different emotions and if the wound is deep, it may be easier to process it all without being exposed to him daily. Sometimes a separation can ease the stress you feel and draw your thoughts into a more productive space. Depending on your situation, this could mean asking for a ‘no contact’ period or moving in with a friend or family member for a while.
2. Look at his track record
We’re all human. Good people sometimes make poor choices. What has been the pattern of his behavior so far? If he’s been trustworthy, forgiveness is easier (assuming you don’t have baggage). If it’s spotty or he’s apologized for this very thing before, there’s probably more in store for you. If you have little history to draw upon, if you think his pros outweigh his cons, forgive, but keep him on probation till he earns your trust.
3. Hash it out thoroughly-then shut up about it
Him: What’s wrong, babe?
Her: Nothing. Just remembering that time I saw that suspect text on your phone last year.
It’s true. We women never forget.
Thoughtfully consider points 1 and 2 so if you get to 3, you can have a productive talk, not a blame-fest. Talk about what happened and why. Could anything have been handled differently? What’s your agreement about this from now on? It’s important for you both to communicate-don’t assume!
And please know this, ladies:
If you forgive, you must leave the past in the past! No matter how petty you feel, quash the urge to use it against him the next time you fight. It can be hard holding your tongue. You must channel all the saintly bones you possess as you try to stifle the snarky remarks. It’s hard, but oh, so necessary.
Lord, give me the grace to zip my lips!
If you keep bringing the issue up, it will poison the waters of your relationship. A guy who is working to rebuild your trust might lose his motivation if he feels you’ll never give him a clean slate to work with.
To recap, take some time alone and consider his pattern of dependability. Figure out what you want to be different, talk about it, then leave it in the past. Forgiving your man isn’t easy, but if both of you want it to work, the best can be yet to come.
- 3 Essentials About Forgiving Your Man - August 20, 2020